September 17, 2017

Being vulnerable is hard. But being vulnerable is the only way (in my opinion) to allow the heart to feel true pleasure so real it scares me. 

Sharing my asana practice with the world, especially on my website and social media platforms like Instagram is weird, very counterintuitive. Over the (almost) 3 years I've been practicing asana it's become something very near and dear to me, something I was previously unwilling to share, like a favorite toy you'd never let anyone hold. It's the reason I've never really explored partner or acro yoga. Even now posting pictures of asana makes me nervous. I never want anyone to get the wrong impression of why I practice yoga. But somewhere in all this craziness I realized something: sharing my journey has become incredibly cathartic for me. 

I've struggled with body image issues my entire life. I was the girl who wore a lined leather coat and long pants in the middle of summer because I was so insecure about wearing shorts. During my teen years I would cut and burn myself to feel a release of pain because at least scars were an obvious physical flaw. Things have gotten better, but even now I struggle with looking in the mirror every day; I legitimately used to hate my face: I have terrible acne, my eyes are too big, my eyebrows are too thin, but whatever. 

When I was studying photography one of my teachers told me I wasn't a good photographer at all. I was devastated: so much so that after graduation I put down my camera and didn't pick it up again for months. 

Through my fitness journey and the practice of yoga, but more importantly through my meditation practice I have slowly begun to fall in love with myself. I have realized that I'm vulnerable, strong, and not a totally terrible photographer. Someone who before would avoid mirrors and being in front of the camera at all costs now takes the time to practice self-care, brush her hair, actually smile and take pictures. I've become more assured in myself and my practice, and that's a peace of mind I hope anyone who practices yoga (and everyone in general) experiences. 

So when I post some picture of some thing, it's not because I want to be vain and have a jillion likes or comments (that is honestly SO overwhelming), but through this process I have fallen in love with myself. I'm truly grateful for all the amazing people and opportunities social media has introduced me to and afforded me, and I'm always so overcome with gratitude and love when l receive positive feedback. So if that's ever been you I just want to say thanks! ✌