It all began after
my high school sweetheart and partner of 5 years, Mark, committed suicide in September of 2013. I was devastated. I felt depressed, abandoned, and alone. I was throwing myself into anything I could to numb the pain: drinking, isolating myself from friends and family, diving headfirst into tumultuous relationships with people I knew had ill intentions. I didn't care. I just wanted to feel wanted. A year later, I begun dating a guy who was a year and a half into his sobriety, and he cited yoga and meditation as a huge part of what was keeping him sane. With his encouragement I began attending Al Anon meetings and experimenting with yoga. I practiced sporadically with this new boyfriend and his friends throughout the latter half of 2014. While not yet a dedicated student, I enjoyed what little I did know of yoga at the time, which was that it allowed me to move my body in a way that felt right and get my mind off of everything going on around me. I grew up tumbling and cheerleading, and yoga felt like a familiar friend, but at this point it was more about moving through the poses than anything else.
With 2015 quickly approaching, I was determined to completely overhaul my life. I saw a Lululemon ad with slender women doing fancy poses and huge smiles plastered on their faces. "I want to be that happy," I thought. And though never the one for New Year's resolutions, I made a decision right then and there that I was going to do whatever it took to become one of those happy yoga girls.
January 1st came and I threw myself headfirst into Travis Eliot's Ultimate Yogi program, a 3 month, 108 day program that focuses on physical and mental transformation through a rigorous daily practice of different styles of yoga including yin, gentle, hardcore, and a P90Xish crosstraining style, as well as meditation, pranayama techniques, and a diet plan meant to cleanse, rejuvenate and restore the body. And holy cow it was intense! But I stuck through it, determined to become like the happy girls in the Lululemon ad and impress the new boyfriend. The 3 months came and went, and once they did I yearned for more. I continued to practice sporadically with the Travis Eliot DVDs (sans pranayama, meditation, and diet plan) but I was still itching for something else. In July of 2015 I took my first Ashtanga class at Infinity Yoga in Brookhaven, Georgia. I instantly fell in love. It was all the rigorousness of Travis Eliot's program in a group setting with an instructor in front of me to offer hands on adjustments. From there I began building a daily practice, and trying other styles of yoga.
As I began to physically progress, I noticed that something was still off. I was a budding yogini with a daily practice, but I still wasn't happy. And that was the goal of all this right? To be that happy girl with the huge smile that radiated joy. However, that couldn't have been further from the truth. In reality, my life was crumbling down around me even more than before I began practicing yoga. During savasana I would often battle suicidal ideations that would have me leaving the studio in tears. I was more isolated than ever, my relationship with my boyfriend of a year was falling the fuck apart in front of my eyes, and I was clinging to yoga as tightly as I could hoping that somewhere in the practice was the happiness and inner peace I so desperately needed and that my teachers constantly spoke of.
The last half of 2015 was rough for me. I was dumped by said boyfriend, I had isolated myself from all my friends and family, I was slowly failing out of school, and I was lonelier than ever. This combination proved toxic for me, and led to my own suicide attempt.
"Something has to change, I can't keep going on like this or eventually I will be dead." Determined to turn over a new leaf, I found Active Sol Yoga in November 2015 and immediately felt at home in a way I hadn't at any other studio. Everyone was there to support each other's practices both on and off the mat. I finally had friends and some sort of support system; the instructors were both experienced and down-to-earth. I never felt inferior. Every pose, every breath, every problem suddenly became accessible.
On a whim in December 2015 I decided to apply to Active Sol's teacher training program. Barely a year into my practice, I had no intentions of actually teaching, but I wanted to deepen my practice (and conquer that long standing fear of public speaking). Through teacher training I not only learned about teaching asana, but further explored yogic philosophy. Over the course of my teacher training I started finding the true happiness and inner peace I had longed for over the last 3 years since Mark died. I meditated daily, I befriended other teacher trainees, I began repairing the relationships with my friends and family. "This is it!" I finally felt the true happiness I sought for so long. Not like the girls in the Lululemon ad trying to sell me a lifestyle (and resplendent yoga pants), but a true contentment that radiated from the inside out.
I completed my RYT 200 under Rosalyn Nix in 2017, and have been teaching since. I continue to grow my practice, studying and taking workshops with teachers such as Patrick Beach, Jason Crandell, and Jaina Portwood. Now I strive to give back everything that yoga has given to me: strength, flexibility, patience, a rigorous practice. But even more than that I want to connect with students on a personal level and help find (or rediscover) whatever may be lacking in life. Or simply add to it. To me yoga has become less about the pretty workout clothes and fancy handstands, it's turned into a continuous journey of self-discovery. Giving back the lessons that have been so freely and lovingly given to me has been my dream, and I’m eternally grateful to be able to do that through my work as a personal trainer and yoga instructor. I hope to create an introspective, wholesome experience that explores the mind-body connection and leaves you feeling energized and empowered.