20 lessons I learned in my 20s
December 27, 2020
Whether or not I intended it to be 2020 has been eye-opening in so many ways. I’d be remiss to say this is one year I’m glad to see go! As I prepare to enter the next chapter of my life, I thought it’d serve me well to look back at some of the biggest lessons learned, loved, and lost over the past year (and decade).
Drink more water AND more wine
Take care of your body
When you’re young the body recovers much faster. Older bodies can take longer to heal, especially with injuries and dysfunctions. Be proactive about physical fitness and your body will thank you later.
Ego Trip: A journey to nowhere
90% of the time when I feel depressed or angry or resentful it’s less of what someone else “did” and more because my ego is bruised. As easy as it is to play victim, no one is truly able to hurt me without my consent, and in the next phase of my life I’m focusing on working in stride with my ego to free myself from unnecessary heartache.
Make time to meditate
Meditation is like a mental gym in which you develop the powerful muscles of the calm and insight. It’s like magic for the mind. And whenever you find that you “don’t have time to meditate”, I can guarantee it’s when you need it most.
Weirdism is definitely the the cornerstone of many an artist’s career
If I had a dollar for every cute boy (or girl) I crushed on that called me weird I’d be able to retire to a nice country cottage in the mountains with a fleet of motorcycles to whip around at will. But as I’ve gotten older I’ve learned that it’s my particular brand of crazy that keeps people coming back — to my yoga classes, to my photography sessions, to my website/insta/whtaever. Eventually you’ll either find that group of weirdos that'll make you question why you ever thought you ever thought you were anything other than special, or you’ll use that “weirdness” as a catalyst for growth and propel you forward into the next phase of life and art. Either way I’d rather be weird than fake.
Chase the boy (or girl)
Lady Gaga once said, “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore.” At risk of upsetting Ms. Germontta (or any Monsters), I have to disagree — halfway. Chasing a man led me to LSU. Chasing a man led me to practicing (and eventually teaching) yoga. Chasing a man led me to getting my first motorcycle and picking up guitar. You only live once. Chase the man, move to another city, try the thing you might not have done without him. Goodness knows I did, and it’s led to some of the most enriching and fulfilling experiences I could have only ever hoped for in my wildest dreams. Things that I still love and do to this very day. But DON’T wrap your self esteem up in the boy. Continue on your own journey of growth and self discovery. That way should the boy ever wake up and tell you he doesn’t love you it’s heartbreaking, but not life shattering. Sometimes people are there to show you what you don’t want, and heartache is a good sign that the heart works.
My first great love. The one that led me to LSU, to photography, to blogging, cooking, and my love of nail polish. Some people are just part of you forever, and I definitely wouldn’t be who I am without Mark’s love.
9. Develop a self-care plan
As someone who’s spent the vast majority of young adulthood and 20s living with anxiety disorders, it’s important to recognize if/when you may be spiraling on a downward trajectory. Take the necessary procedures to enhance your health and well being, manage stress, and maintain professionalism in the face of personal adversity. For me that looks like long showers, journaling, and getting lost in a good book. It also means being real with myself and those who love me about the things going on in my life (and my mind), and not waiting until the house is already on fire to ask for help.
11. Be careful how you speak to yourself. Your heart is always listening.
12. Let the people you love know that you do
I’ve experienced many untimely deaths and much loss in my 3 decades. It never gets easier to grieve the death of a loved one or even the sudden end of a friendship. Life happens fast, death happens faster, and change is the only constant. Cherish the ones that you love, and the ones that love you. Appreciate the fact that you can.
13. Follow your arrow
You can work, work, work all day long killing yourself over 40 hour weeks and 401ks, but when you truly love and believe in what you’re doing others start to take notice. Opportunities began unfolding themselves to me when I truly began living my dream. People saw that fulfillment in me and invited me into their fold because the passion, purpose, and drive was authentic to me, thus bringing out that spark in themselves.
14. Start saving ASAP!
15. Say “yes” to adventures
There hasn't been a whole lot tying me down in young adulthood. No kids, no commitment, no home or partner that’s keeping me in one particular place. I don’t have a crystal ball of the future, but I can almost guarantee that I have fewer obligations and more time than I’m bound to have later on. Take advantage of the time that you have — even if it’s just a weekend trip to the next town over. The older you get, the more demands (usually) placed on you personally and professionally. Live accordingly.
16. Write down every *brilliant* idea you have AS SOON AS you have it.
I’m not kidding. Also keep a notepad and a dream journal by your bedside for the exact same reason. You will not remember that million dollar moneymaker in the morning. You just won’t.
17. If the path you’re on is no longer serving you forge a new one
I wish someone told me when I was 18 that it’s ok to not have my whole life mapped out, that sometimes the things don’t quite pan out for us the way we plan them. I would’ve saved quite a bit of time (and a whole lot of money) if I had just taken the time to figure out what spoke to me rather than forcing myself down traditional paths my parents encouraged or that my friends took, for the sake of fitting in. It’s never too late to bloom.
18. Don’t stop reading
And I don’t just mean textbooks or work documents. Leisure reading can increase inner-awareness, and help us understand where we fit into the grand scheme of things. It also improves empathy and allows us to experience worlds other than our own. Can’t afford to travel? Get lost in a new book.
Don’t be afraid to enjoy a beer and a burger every now and then.
Headstands on the beach with the boy I chased — the relationship didn’t work out but he led me to yoga so I’ll always be grateful.
7. Freedom cannot be bestowed — it must be achieved
I’ve always been a loner. It is what it is. But I’ve always wanted to do things, experience life, see the world; I thought I needed a “special someone” or group of friends to do that with. After Mark died I had my string of failed relationships (platonic and romantic). Then I realized: it was kind of liberating knowing that I was in charge of making things happen for myself. Trusting my instincts, getting out of my comfort zone, developing street smarts and common sense have all become a part of becoming my own woman. So I go to dinner + a movie alone, travel alone, see the rock show on my own, and mosh my fucking brains out. I am my own creator, and honestly it’s freeing to not have to wait for others to make things happen for me (or the inevitable wave of disappointment when things don’t pan out the way I hope they do)
8. Go to all the concerts
Seriously! I’ve never had a better time than when I was in a crowd of strangers moshing, bonding and watching bands until the stars burned out the morning sky. Foo Fighters, Barns Courtney, Beck, Metallica, it’s a rush like no other. I only regret a few things in life, but no concert I’ve ever been to is on that list.
Taylor Hawkins being epic behind the kit. St Louis, October 2018. Shot by me on the iPhone XS
10. Take more photos
As the age-old adage goes, “seeing is believing”. Photos play an important role in everyone’s lives — they connect us to our past, they remind us of people, places, ideas, feelings, or stories. They freeze moments of our lives that pass by in the blink of an eye. Not every picture has to be insta-worthy, just get out and create. Create life. Create love. Create memories. The creation of images makes us feel good. The creation of images creates an artist. That artistry allows us to develop our own language for some of the most complex emotions we may never get the chance to express otherwise.
I’m never without some form of camera when I go out — whether it’s a simple polaroid, my DSLR, or even just my iPhone, I find comfort in being able to create memories I can look back on,
19. Everything in moderation — including moderation
You only live once. Don’t dampen your experience by depriving yourself of the things that will make you happy. Eat the burger, drink the beer, play hooky once in a while. But practice self care as well — enjoy a salad, take a bubble bath, give your all to your job. Live moderately in order to taste the joys of life in abundance.
20. Take what serves you and discard the rest
(including this!)
No matter the decade, I believe everyone has wisdom to impart on the world. I’d love to know some of the most important lessons you’ve learned in life. Feel free to share!
